Lisa: Eclipse of the Butterfly

Promises Broken

Dear Lisa,

My dearest daughter, I did try with all I had and failed.  Sometimes in life promises are broken because of the fall of the cards.  I tried to the point of alienation ~ not just from her, but from all in the family.

Much too late they started to see what I saw.  It's too late now to make a difference.  I have given her to God.  Please watch over her.  Sometimes promises can't be kept . . .

Love,

Mom xo

Dear Lisa,
     It's been so long since I wrote to you.  So much has happened!  We're running  out of money really fast.  I thought that I could maybe earn some money on eBay.  I actually did make money, but now I have a bunch of credit card bills.  Whenever I made a sale, I put the money right back into products ~ which would have been alright if there was any backup.  But that's not the big news.
     Your baby girl is not hurt physically.  Thank you for sending the Guardian Angel or being the Guardian Angel!  We managed to keep her out of harms way for now at least.  Certainly the Power of God was clearly seen by us all.  God gave us a miracle.  Some of us know it was from God, others just think it was "luck."  Luck doesn't rearrange things and provide help when needed.  Oh how I wish you were here!  If you were here, I don't think the whole thing would have happened.  We are all trying to watch out for her, we all love her but there's only one mother and none of us can ever fill those shoes.
     I just hope that any parents with 12, 13, 14 (teens in general) will stop and take the time to check out their children's "myspace."  It's just a breeding ground and gold mine for pedophiles!  All these young girls "tell all" and probably don't realize that they are attracting all the monsters out there!  I'm not being an old fuddy duddy, either.  When I surfed "myspace" I was sickened and nauseated with the way the kids are portraying themselves today.  Not to mention that they are into some heavy duty trouble.  Maybe if one mother would see what I have seen, it might start a spark under more mothers and/or fathers.  I just don't understand a 13 year old being sexually active - and they are!  Then they tell all to the cyber world!  God help us!
Love you,
Mom xxoo

Just Thinking Out Loud

Dear Lisa,
     Seems like the hurricane victims are finally getting some relief.  God, I hope so.  We  need a woman for president.  These guys running the White House are down right shameful.  The idiots hear of a crisis so they freeze in their tracks waiting for "Mommy" to make it all better.  Why not make "Mommy" president?  "Mommy" can kiss it all better.  Oh, and when an emergency comes, "Mommy" will be the first one to take action.   Men need "time to think."  "Mommy" can think quicker than you can say "Mr. President."
    Why don't we just change the job title to "Mother."  Like "our Mother country."  Like "Mother Nature," "Mother Superior," the "Mother Ship."  Shoot, even England had a "Queen Mother," why can't we?  Then when a term of 10 years ends, the "Queen Mother" can become the "Queen Grandmother," and step aside for a new "Mother."  Seems like a good plan to me.
Love,
Mom xxoo

A Prayer for Storm Victims

Father God,
We ask that you send your Holy Spirit to surround all the victims of this terrible storm with Your love and protection.  Father, please be with these, Your children, as they try to escape from harm's way.  Help them through this horrendous ordeal, and quiet their souls, comfort their tears, and allow them to start this day, to rebuild their lives.  We ask Your blessings and protection also for the people working to help the victims, no matter how big or small their effort in helping.  Guide these, Your children to help with compassion and love, with clear minds, strong bodies, and sure steps.  We ask this is Jesus' name.
Amen   
Online Relief Organizations Links:
The Red Cross;  Episcopal Relief;  United Methodist;  Salvation Army; Catholic Charities;  Network for Good;  Baton Rouge Area;  Nat'l Vol. Orgs.;  B'nai B'rith;  Louisana SPCA            

The Boosh

Dear Lisa,
    Things are a lot better on the home front, at least for now.  Your sister is moving back into the house with your nephew.  I hope it's better than the last time that we all lived together.  But then again, she is divorced so maybe with that "element" gone, things will be better.
    Poor Booshie, she's a single mom with a special needs son.  She's been trying so hard to be independent, made a few oopses along the way, and now is coming home for a few years.  She's so hard on herself.  She's accomplished so much, so many amazing things, yet she's still hard on herself.  I hope she realizes that soon.  I guess I'll have to talk to her, if she'll listen, that is.  I don't think that she sees herself like I do.  She sets her mind to something and gets it done.  OK, so she's anal expulsive - no big deal really, I'm so anal retentive and that may be what causes so much friction with her.  I'm going to try real hard this time to make her feel like she's "home."
Love,
Mom xxoo   
   

Florida

Dear Lisa,
    Gracie is still in Florida with Mel and family.  I im'ed her when I saw she was online.  She's having a good time, I'm sure.  Daddy sent her some money to pay for Disney World.  I know you took her when she was very small, but now she's 13, and hopefully she'll have a good time.  It's hard not to have a good time there.
     I talked to Paul and told him about throwing her out of my house.  I had asked her to do something and she told me "no."  I was fit to be tied!  I said to her "No?  Ok, then get the f*** out of my house!"  I was po'ed to the max and that was the straw that broke the camel's back.  She looked at me in total amazement and disbelief.  Unfortunately, Nat and I had already been involved in an argument, so that made things even worse.  Nat started with me because of something I said to Mandie.  She was butting in where she shouldn't have, and in front of who she shouldn't have.  It's bad enough I get little or no respect from them, now she's sticking up for her nieces in something that was between Meema and the grand-daughters, and had absolutely nothing to do with her.  I then told Nat she could leave, too.
    You know how I am about those things, I'm not perfect, but give me some kind of respect just because I AM the grandmother, I CARE, I NEED FOR SOMEONE TO NOTICE THAT I'M BACK!!  HELLO??  NO MORE PAIN PILLS!! REMEMBER?????  PLEASE REMEMBER!!!
    Wow, thanks for letting me vent, you always let me vent because you understood me.  I let you vent, too, remember?  Like the time Gracie ate the mushrooms in the back yard.  You were totally po'ed, and trying to get ready to go to work.  You were so funny, but a little scary, too.  You were yelling at her because "she ate wild poison mushrooms and she's gonna die, and I'm gonna be late for work!"  But the second our eyes would meet, you would start to laugh and calm down.  When I was on the rampage, I would be po'ed at everybody but when I looked at you, you were laughing at me and I would calm down.
    I wonder if you really knew that we had that effect on each other.  I wonder if anybody else had that same sense of knowing, almost esp with you.  I should have told you.  I didn't tell you enough!!
Love,
Mom xxoo

Peace for Now

Dear Lisa,
    There's been a truce.  Melodie and family had been here for the month of July and took Gracie with them when they drove back on Monday.  Before she left, we hugged, and made peace.
    I don't know if I ever told you that I was feeling so depressed, frustrated, and like a failure that I finally just gave you to God.  I think that's one of the hardest things I ever did because I was a control freak.  I had only the most loving and best intentions for you, but sometimes love just isn't enough.  I thought that lots of love and TLC would make everything better.  I was wrong.  I asked God to keep you safe and take care of you and basically bowed out of the situation.  As time went on, it was one thing after another, and you were a very wild child.
    I kept a little distance and watched as God brought you to your knees.  That took a little doing, even for God.  I prayed for your safety, sanity, and health.  I didn't understand what God had planned for you, especially since things got worse and worse.
    You had several really good years when Gracie was a baby and a little girl. To my understanding, God took you home where there is no tears or pain, and you can rest assured that you are in a far better place.
     I have given Gracie to God.
Love,
Mom xxoo

Gracie 2

Dear Lisa,
     Honey, I don't know how I'm going to be able to help Grace.  She loves the attention she gets, but doesn't realize that she's still a child at thirteen.  I thought maybe she set up that blog to get attention.  Why in the world would she post things that are so personal and degrading and then show her uncle, aunt, and grandmother? 
     I'll always be here for her, but since your father seems to have convinced everyone that I'm an idiot, it's not going to be easy.  If they only knew even a tenth of what he did, I'm sure that they would want to hear my side, too.
     I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love Grace, but no body backs me up, and that's not going to make things any better between Grace and me.  I think she's in the process of disowning me.  With your father and brother always on the opposite side that I am, things are not going very well in general.  I just hope that you will somehow understand that I am trying my best.
Love,
Mom xxoo

Gracie

Dear Lisa,
    It's about your daughter.  We all promised you that we would look after her, not that we wouldn't have anyway.  Honey, I fear for her so much!!  She's 13 going on 25, so she thinks.  You know how I tried so hard to protect you from the ugly side of life, to no avail.  I'm so concerned that she is headed down the same path you took.  I know that's not what you want for her, and neither do we.   I keep her in my prayers.
     I think that her dad doesn't want to see what's going on with her.  She is home "alone" way too much.  There is only so much I can say to him before I wind up getting angry, or he gets angry.  We get along well except when it comes to her.  She had an attitude problem, and thinks nobody has a right to tell her what to do - WRONG!  It's not just her, it's the way 13 year-olds are today, and it's very scary.  Nothing is sacred, nothing is private, and no respect for anyone - not even themselves.
    Lisa, please, if there are such things as guardian angels, please ask for one for her.  As far as faith, I don't think she believes.  She's about as stubborn as you were, but at least we could talk to you and you would think about it.  It seems like she is just rejecting anything we have to say.  We are trying to keep her under our wings, but she doesn't seem to want any of it.
    At this point, I would ask anyone who reads this blog to keep Gracie in their prayers - we don't want to loose her, too.
Love,
Mom xxoo

New Design

Dear Lisa,
   I hope that you like the new look of your blog.  Nattie hasn't had the time to do it for me, so I did the best I knew how.  It's still hard for her I think.  At least it's nicer than that black and red that was there.  Since everything about your death was a lie, here I can tell the real story.
    This is your celebration, your real truth, your real life.  Only for you would I put up with that woman and her "Lee Press-On Priest."  It's a good thing that you asked me to be civil during your funeral because if you hadn't, I would have gotten up in front of everyone and tell them that this funeral was not your life.  Just because you spent the last couple of weeks with your friend, that didn't give them the right to pretend that the rest of us didn't matter.  The nerve of her to put a few pictures of you up on a poster board - and one with you and her disgusting husband of all things!!  Your friend ripped the picture so that he wasn't up there for us to all look at and want to spit on her for having her cold hearted fun at your expense.  I should have brought the many, many pictures of you and your real family, the ones who truly loved you and appreciated you.
   You deserved so much more.  Who the hell appointed her the evil queen?  Why did you put up with her?  Well, when you and I talked about it, you explained that she would be out to make trouble and you asked me to just let her do her thing.  You said that we all knew the truth, we all loved each other and it wouldn't matter because you wouldn't be there anyway.  I suppose some day she'll get her just rewards.  Even now I can feel my heart pounding just to think about her.  She is always such an abomination with her priest in tow.  It's a disgusting oxymoron.  Sorry, I just had to vent ~ it's not like you didn't know how I feel about her.
     The only consolation is that you are free of her and never will have to think about her or deal with her again.
I love you,
Mom xxoo