Amazing

Next Joke

     Not very funny, I'm afraid.  When I look in the mirror I see some old lady that reminds me of my mother.  It's really weird . . . I look out of the same eyes that I looked out of since I was born, and don't want to see what I've become.  I even have a hard time "acting my age."  How does one act at 50?
    I know how to act myself, that is with a mind set of about 28 years.  I know my body hates me for that.  In fact, it totally objects to all the weight I've gained and the little favors I expect it to do.  How did the floor get so far away??  In the tub I feel like a weeble; this gut makes it hard to move around.  What makes it so hard to get up out of the tub?  Who ever heard of a "wet sneeze?"  Why does my bra cut off my circulation, and my undies don't fit?  This junk all has to go, but what do I do about being near sighted and not being able to see things up close?  According to my grand-daughter I'm bald toothed, and my grandson asked me why I wear a "wig hat."  I'm not ready for all these wrinkles, either.
    So, in between typing, surfing, and trying to make some money, I apply all kinds of magic potions to get rid of wrinkles, "look 10 years younger without surgery," polish my nails, and take herbal suppliments for all that ails me.  Oh, and the most important thing I have learned is to laugh at myself, even if I do feel displaced.
P.S. Sorry for the last post being so long!   

NJ "The Garden State"

If you've ever lived in Jersey you know that:

1.  New Jersey is a peninsula.

2.  Highlands, New Jersey has the highest elevation along the entire eastern seaboard, from Maine to Florida.

3.  New Jersey is the only state where all of its counties are classified as metropolitan areas.

4.  New Jersey has more race horses than Kentucky.

5.  New Jersey has more Cubans in Union City (1 sq mi.) than Havana, Cuba.

6.  New Jersey has the densest system of highways and railroads in the  US.

7.  New Jersey has the highest cost of living.

8.  New Jersey has the highest cost of auto insurance.

9.  New Jersey has the highest property taxes in the nation.

10.  New Jersey has the most diners in the world and is sometimes referred to as the "Diner Capital of the World."

11.  New Jersey is home to the original Mystery Pork Parts Club (no, not Spam): Taylor Ham or Pork Roll.

12.  Home to the less mysterious but the best Italian hot dogs and Italian sausage w/peppers and onions.

13.  North Jersey has the most shopping malls in one area in the world, with seven major shopping malls in a 25 square mile radius.

14.  New Jersey is home to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island.

15.  The Passaic River was the site of the first submarine ride by inventor John P. Holland.

16.  New Jersey has 50+ resort cities & towns; some of the nation's most famous:  Asbury Park, Wildwood, Atlantic City, Seaside Heights, Long Branch, Cape May.

17.  New Jersey has the most stringent testing along our coastline for water quality control than any other seaboard state in the entire country.

18.  New Jersey is a leading technology & industrial state and is the largest chemical producing state in the nation when you include pharmaceuticals.

19.  Jersey tomatoes are known the world over as being the best you can buy.

20.  New Jersey is the world leader in blueberry and cranberry production (and  here you thought Massachusetts?)

21.  Here's to New Jersey - the toast of the country!  In 1642, the first brewery in America, opened in Hoboken.

22.  New Jersey rocks!  The famous Les Paul invented the first solid body electric guitar in Mahwah, in 1940.

23.  New Jersey is a major seaport state with the largest seaport in the US, located in Elizabeth.  Nearly 80 percent of what our nation imports comes  through Elizabeth Seaport first.

24.  New Jersey is home to one of the nation's busiest airports (in Newark), Liberty International.

25.  George Washington slept here.  Several important Revolutionary War battles were fought on New Jersey soil, led by General George Washington.

26.  The light bulb, phonograph (record player), and motion picture projector, were invented by Thomas Edison in his Menlo Park, NJ, laboratory.

27.  We also boast the first town ever lit by incandescent bulbs.

28.  The first seaplane was built in Keyport, NJ.

29.  The first airmail (to Chicago) was started from Keyport, NJ.

30.  The first phonograph records were made in Camden, NJ.

31.  New Jersey is home to the Miss America Pageant held in Atlantic City.

32.  The game Monopoly, played all over the world, named the streets on it's playing board after the actual streets in Atlantic City.

33.  And, Atlantic City has the longest boardwalk in the world, not to mention salt water taffy.

34.  New Jersey has the largest petroleum containment area outside of the Middle East countries.

35.  The first Indian reservation was in New Jersey, in the Watchung Mountains.

36.  New Jersey has the tallest water-tower in the world. (Union, NJ!!!)

37.  New Jersey had the first medical center, in Jersey City.

38.  The Pulaski Sky Way, from Jersey City to Newark, was the first skyway highway.

39.  NJ built the first tunnel under a river, the Hudson (Holland Tunnel).

40.  The first baseball game was played in Hoboken, NJ, which is also the birthplace of Frank Sinatra.

41.  The first intercollegiate football game was played in New Brunswick in 1889 (Rutgers College played Princeton). 

42.  The first drive-in movie theater was opened in Camden, NJ (but they're all gone now!).

43.  New Jersey is home to both of "NEW YORK'S" pro football teams.

44.  The first radio station and broadcast was in Paterson, NJ.

45.  The first FM radio broadcast was made from Alpine, NJ, by Maj. Thomas Armstrong.

46.  All New Jersey natives: Sal Martorano, Jack Nicholson, Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Jason Alexander, Queen Latifah, Susan Sarandon, Connie Francis, Shaq, Judy Blume, Aaron Burr, Joan Robertson, Ken Kross, Dionne Warwick, Sarah Vaughn, Budd Abbott, Lou Costello, Alan Ginsberg, Norman Mailer, Marilynn McCoo, Flip Wilson, Alexander Hamilton, Whitney Houston, Eddie Money, Linda McElroy, Eileen Donnelly, Grover Cleveland, Woodrow Wilson, Walt Whitman, Jerry Lewis, Tom Cruise, Joyce Kilmer, Bruce  Willis, Caesar Romero, Lauryn Hill, Ice-T, Nick Adams, Nathan Lane, Sandra  Dee, Danny DeVito, Richard Conti, Joe Pesci, Joe Piscopo, Robert Blake,  John Forsythe, Mer yl Streep, Loretta Swit, Norman Lloyd, Paul Simon, Jerry  Herman, Gorden McCrae, Kevin Spacey, John Travolta, Phyllis Newman, Anne  Morrow Lindbergh, Eva Marie Saint, Elisabeth Shue, Zebulon Pike, James  Fennimore Cooper, Admiral Wm.Halsey,Jr., Dave Thomas (Wendy's), William  Carlos Williams, Ray Liotta, Robert Wuhl, Bob Reyers, Paul Robeson, Ernie  Kovacs, Joseph Macchia and, of course, Francis Albert Sinatra and  "Uncle Floyd" Vivino, Kelly Ripa.  Remember the "1910 Fruitgum Company?"  I went to high school with them.

47.  Bob Meade adds: The Great Falls in Paterson, on the Passaic River, is the  second highest waterfall on the East Coast of the US.

  You know you're from Jersey when . . .
1.   You don't think of fruit when people mention "The Oranges."

2.   You know that it's called Great Adventure, not Six Flags.
3.  A good, quick breakfast is a hard roll with butter.
4.   You've known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.
5.   You've eaten at a diner,at 3 A.M.
6.   You've been to the OB Diner and/or Olga's Diner.

7.   You know that the state isn't one big oil refinery.
8.    At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen, and you know the town Jon Bon Jovi is from.
9.    You know what a "jug handle" is.
10.  You know that WaWa is a convenience store.
11.  You know that the state isn't all farmland.
12.  You know that there are no "beaches" in New Jersey--there's the shore--and  you don't go "to the shore," or "to the beach," you go "down the shore."  And when you are  there,   you're not "at the shore"; you are "down the shore."
13.  You know how to properly negotiate a circle.
14.  You knew that the last sentence had to do with driving.
15. You know that this is the only "New" state that doesn't require "New" to  identify it (try . . Mexico . . . York .! . . Hampshire-- doesn't work,  does it?).
16.  You know that a "White Castle" is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a  fast food sandwich.
17.  You consider putting mayo on a corned beef sandwich a sacrilege
18.  You don't think "What exit?" is very funny.
19.  You know that people from the 609 area code are "a little different."  Yes they are!
20.  You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton--that's for out-of-staters.
21.  The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or local bar.
22.  You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.
23.  You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers.
24.  Every year you have at least one kid in your class named Tony.
25.  You know the location of every clip shown in the Sopranos opening credits.
26.  You've gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of the mall.
27.  You know that people from North Jersey go to Seaside Heights, and people from Central Jersey go to Belmar, and people from South Jersey go to Wildwood.  It can be no other way.
28.  You weren't raised in New Jersey--you were raised in either North Jersey, Central Jersey or South Jersey (and you know what exit).

29.  You don't consider Newark or Camden to actually be part of the state.
30.  You remember the stores (E. J.) Korvette's, Two Guys (from Harrison), Rickel's, Channel, Bamberger's, and Orbach's.
31.  You also remember Palisades Amusement Park.
32.  You've had a boardwalk cheese steak and vinegar fries.
33.  You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February.

  And finally . . .
  You've NEVER, NEVER pumped your own gas. AMEN!!!

If you've ever lived in Jersey you know that:

1.  New Jersey is a peninsula.

2.  Highlands, New Jersey has the highest elevation along the entire eastern seaboard, from Maine to Florida.

3.  New Jersey is the only state where all of its counties are classified as metropolitan areas.

4.  New Jersey has more race horses than Kentucky.

5.  New Jersey has more Cubans in Union City (1 sq mi.) than Havana, Cuba.

6.  New Jersey has the densest system of highways and railroads in the  US.

7.  New Jersey has the highest cost of living.

8.  New Jersey has the highest cost of auto insurance.

9.  New Jersey has the highest property taxes in the nation.

10.  New Jersey has the most diners in the world and is sometimes referred to as the "Diner Capital of the World."

11.  New Jersey is home to the original Mystery Pork Parts Club (no, not Spam): Taylor Ham or Pork Roll.

12.  Home to the less mysterious but the best Italian hot dogs and Italian sausage w/peppers and onions.

13.  North Jersey has the most shopping malls in one area in the world, with seven major shopping malls in a 25 square mile radius.

14.  New Jersey is home to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island.

15.  The Passaic River was the site of the first submarine ride by inventor John P. Holland.

16.  New Jersey has 50+ resort cities & towns; some of the nation's most famous:  Asbury Park, Wildwood, Atlantic City, Seaside Heights, Long Branch, Cape May.

17.  New Jersey has the most stringent testing along our coastline for water quality control than any other seaboard state in the entire country.

18.  New Jersey is a leading technology & industrial state and is the largest chemical producing state in the nation when you include pharmaceuticals.

19.  Jersey tomatoes are known the world over as being the best you can buy.

20.  New Jersey is the world leader in blueberry and cranberry production (and  here you thought Massachusetts?)

21.  Here's to New Jersey - the toast of the country!  In 1642, the first brewery in America, opened in Hoboken.

22.  New Jersey rocks!  The famous Les Paul invented the first solid body electric guitar in Mahwah, in 1940.

23.  New Jersey is a major seaport state with the largest seaport in the US, located in Elizabeth.  Nearly 80 percent of what our nation imports comes  through Elizabeth Seaport first.

24.  New Jersey is home to one of the nation's busiest airports (in Newark), Liberty International.

25.  George Washington slept here.  Several important Revolutionary War battles were fought on New Jersey soil, led by General George Washington.

26.  The light bulb, phonograph (record player), and motion picture projector, were invented by Thomas Edison in his Menlo Park, NJ, laboratory.

27.  We also boast the first town ever lit by incandescent bulbs.

28.  The first seaplane was built in Keyport, NJ.

29.  The first airmail (to Chicago) was started from Keyport, NJ.

30.  The first phonograph records were made in Camden, NJ.

31.  New Jersey is home to the Miss America Pageant held in Atlantic City.

32.  The game Monopoly, played all over the world, named the streets on it's playing board after the actual streets in Atlantic City.

33.  And, Atlantic City has the longest boardwalk in the world, not to mention salt water taffy.

34.  New Jersey has the largest petroleum containment area outside of the Middle East countries.

35.  The first Indian reservation was in New Jersey, in the Watchung Mountains.

36.  New Jersey has the tallest water-tower in the world. (Union, NJ!!!)

37.  New Jersey had the first medical center, in Jersey City.

38.  The Pulaski Sky Way, from Jersey City to Newark, was the first skyway highway.

39.  NJ built the first tunnel under a river, the Hudson (Holland Tunnel).

40.  The first baseball game was played in Hoboken, NJ, which is also the birthplace of Frank Sinatra.

41.  The first intercollegiate football game was played in New Brunswick in 1889 (Rutgers College played Princeton). 

42.  The first drive-in movie theater was opened in Camden, NJ (but they're all gone now!).

43.  New Jersey is home to both of "NEW YORK'S" pro football teams.

44.  The first radio station and broadcast was in Paterson, NJ.

45.  The first FM radio broadcast was made from Alpine, NJ, by Maj. Thomas Armstrong.

46.  All New Jersey natives: Sal Martorano, Jack Nicholson, Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Jason Alexander, Queen Latifah, Susan Sarandon, Connie Francis, Shaq, Judy Blume, Aaron Burr, Joan Robertson, Ken Kross, Dionne Warwick, Sarah Vaughn, Budd Abbott, Lou Costello, Alan Ginsberg, Norman Mailer, Marilynn McCoo, Flip Wilson, Alexander Hamilton, Whitney Houston, Eddie Money, Linda McElroy, Eileen Donnelly, Grover Cleveland, Woodrow Wilson, Walt Whitman, Jerry Lewis, Tom Cruise, Joyce Kilmer, Bruce  Willis, Caesar Romero, Lauryn Hill, Ice-T, Nick Adams, Nathan Lane, Sandra  Dee, Danny DeVito, Richard Conti, Joe Pesci, Joe Piscopo, Robert Blake,  John Forsythe, Mer yl Streep, Loretta Swit, Norman Lloyd, Paul Simon, Jerry  Herman, Gorden McCrae, Kevin Spacey, John Travolta, Phyllis Newman, Anne  Morrow Lindbergh, Eva Marie Saint, Elisabeth Shue, Zebulon Pike, James  Fennimore Cooper, Admiral Wm.Halsey,Jr., Dave Thomas (Wendy's), William  Carlos Williams, Ray Liotta, Robert Wuhl, Bob Reyers, Paul Robeson, Ernie  Kovacs, Joseph Macchia and, of course, Francis Albert Sinatra and  "Uncle Floyd" Vivino, Kelly Ripa.  Remember the "1910 Fruitgum Company?"  I went to high school with them.

47.  Bob Meade adds: The Great Falls in Paterson, on the Passaic River, is the  second highest waterfall on the East Coast of the US.

  You know you're from Jersey when . . .
1.   You don't think of fruit when people mention "The Oranges."

2.   You know that it's called Great Adventure, not Six Flags.
3.  A good, quick breakfast is a hard roll with butter.
4.   You've known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.
5.   You've eaten at a diner,at 3 A.M.
6.   You've been to the OB Diner and/or Olga's Diner.

7.   You know that the state isn't one big oil refinery.
8.    At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen, and you know the town Jon Bon Jovi is from.
9.    You know what a "jug handle" is.
10.  You know that WaWa is a convenience store.
11.  You know that the state isn't all farmland.
12.  You know that there are no "beaches" in New Jersey--there's the shore--and  you don't go "to the shore," or "to the beach," you go "down the shore."  And when you are  there,   you're not "at the shore"; you are "down the shore."
13.  You know how to properly negotiate a circle.
14.  You knew that the last sentence had to do with driving.
15. You know that this is the only "New" state that doesn't require "New" to  identify it (try . . Mexico . . . York .! . . Hampshire-- doesn't work,  does it?).
16.  You know that a "White Castle" is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a  fast food sandwich.
17.  You consider putting mayo on a corned beef sandwich a sacrilege
18.  You don't think "What exit?" is very funny.
19.  You know that people from the 609 area code are "a little different."  Yes they are!
20.  You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton--that's for out-of-staters.
21.  The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or local bar.
22.  You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.
23.  You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers.
24.  Every year you have at least one kid in your class named Tony.
25.  You know the location of every clip shown in the Sopranos opening credits.
26.  You've gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of the mall.
27.  You know that people from North Jersey go to Seaside Heights, and people from Central Jersey go to Belmar, and people from South Jersey go to Wildwood.  It can be no other way.
28.  You weren't raised in New Jersey--you were raised in either North Jersey, Central Jersey or South Jersey (and you know what exit).

29.  You don't consider Newark or Camden to actually be part of the state.
30.  You remember the stores (E. J.) Korvette's, Two Guys (from Harrison), Rickel's, Channel, Bamberger's, and Orbach's.
31.  You also remember Palisades Amusement Park.
32.  You've had a boardwalk cheese steak and vinegar fries.
33.  You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February.

  And finally . . .
  You've NEVER, NEVER pumped your own gas. AMEN!!!

Oh Please?

   This post is dedicated to the writer of a blog called "Mackin With Pappy."  This kind author left a weird comment on my last post, simply "Oh please." 
   Thinking that this person must have a professional journalism career, I went to their site (please check it out:  http://mackinwithpappy.blogspot.com, "The Religious Poop").
    Now I'm not judging anyone, but what I found was really crappy, and way too long, sorry.  If you check out the post, you will find out why I called it a "crappy" post.
    For some reason I thought to myself, as I often do, "what the heck?"  I "borrowed" the above cartoon from Luann, by the way, and saved it for just the right time that I thought I would really need it.
    It's not PMS, I'm past that and can't even use it as an excuse.  I'm just in a foul mood, and need to take it out on someone, but please know that it is with fondest wishes that this person will get over it.  I'm not trying to be a mean person, really.  I am aware that  this is not my usual style, but everyone has a breaking point and no body's perfect.
     So could someone please tell me what "mackin" means?  What the heck?
P.S.  Thank you, "Mackin" for visiting my site.

Helplessly Hoping

   Waa!  I'm trying to earn some money and I let my blogs go!  I'm back, however, see?? 
   One would think it would be easy to find a way to earn a living on the internet, right?  I mean there are a gazillion surveys that promise either an entry into a "lottery" to win money, or they promise a huge prize.  All you have to do is fill out the survey.  Sounds simple enough.  But then when you select all "nos" on the offers, you come to a page that tells you that you must select at least one offer.
   An "offer" is really a purchase of some kind.  It's supposed to be a free offer, but it has an automatic "membership" along with billing once the trial period is over.  They have magazines, life insurance, book clubs, record clubs, health insurance, vacation time sharing, diet products, beauty products, and what ever else you can think of.  I got suckered into several of them and am trying to stay on top of things so I don't have to lose the farm, so to speak.
   Now that's not all.  I am gifted with spam by the truck load each day.  I wanted to get paid for surveys online, not pay the surveys!  All these greedy little people suck you dry while under the guise of helping you to make money!  What is a ditz to do???